|
| Today was the first time it felt like fall was coming upon us. This morning I thought I would melt in the intense heat and humidity, but my mid afternoon the skies opened up with a drenching rain. I had the oppurtunity to walk in it. The rain pounding on my skin was soothing in more ways than one. People around me were dashing as fast as they could to their destinations, probly thinking I was insane for my slow lesiure walk. Well, I think they're insane for not taking the couple of seconds it takes to appreciate the rain drops on your skin. In reality, when it's raining that hard, you are going to get soaked whether you run or not, so you might as well enjoy it.
By this evening, the humidity had left us. When I stepped outside after a hard night at work, a bubble of joy welled up inside me as a cool breeze pushed against me. I felt like I could breathe, actually breathe again outside.
| | |
| He winced. I saw it. As gentle as I was. My fingers no more than brushing against the right side of his back or right arm or thigh. Look at him. So big. So strong. Yet now a gentle caress can undo his tough exterior. He shrugs me off with an attempted smile, knowing i know. "Like this." He says, firmly grasping my hand in his. We are holding on to each other for dear life. The phrase taking on a new meaning to us. I am not used to his sensitive side. It has been months, and it still sends shivers of cold fear and dread through my entire body. In that one night i learned how to be his voice. Speaking for him. Our eyes holding, him nodding weak approval that what i said was correct. I would never want to put words in his mouth, he knows that. Even now, when we are alone, and that word slips out of reach, i know what he is meaning to say. He doesn't need to speak it. Only those close notice. We pretend we don't. Why speak of the heavy cloud overhead, threatening to pour? We were so young. This is a thing of books. I never imagined. I want to take all the pain and dissolve it with my love. I can do nothing though. I wrap him up in my arms. He is so solid, and holds me tight. I never want to let him go.
| | |
| I had a very scary experience today. I was drive on the 526 W bound, and I got a flat tire over the middle of a narrow bridge, with no place to pull over. So, I had to stop in the middle of the right lane, turn my hazard lights on, and pray that I wouldn't get rear ended by someone going 70 mph or +. A nice guy stopped behind me, as I was calling the cops, he couldn't help me, but he managed to calm me down. I was an emotional wreck, mostly because it was dark, cold and a dangerous place for me and my car to be. I got help to my car within 15 minutes of my phone call, so I guess when it comes to being in a dangerous situation, they actually do get to your car quickly. | | |
| Chris had a minor stroke late Thursday night (which is technically Friday morning.) Terrifying doesn't even begin to describe this experience... i can only imagine what chris has been feeling. For Chris' own privacy, i won't go into personal details. He's so much better now. Just a few lingering side effects, that the doctors assure him will go away with therapy. I spent Thursday night with him, and Friday night. I was supposed to work Friday, but didn't. His best friend Jeremy has been by his side just as much as me, Jeremy and I have kinda been taking turns staying with Chris, cause we don't want him to spend any time alone. I think the most time he's been alone in the past 2 days has been no more than an hour and a half. His parents just arrive from North Carolina, and I staid for 1/2 an hour, then took my leave, knowing that they'll want time alone with their boy. This has only made me realize how much I truly love Chris. I won't tell him that though, cause he doesn't want to hear it. But I know that I love him, and i know that he knows I love him. He's just trying to be tough right now. He doesn't want to fear to creep in. | | |
| Staying single is an active thing i have to keep reminding myself that i want. Funny huh? I almost slipped this weekened and got myself a boyfriend, but i didn't. I'm just not ready yet, my heart has yet to heal, and i think that the process is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. i'm planning on finishing this marathon as well. So here goes. | | |
|
